||[Oct. 1st, 2010|11:53 pm]
A PLACE TO VENT
I just had a baby, he's the love of my life,the reason I wake up each morning, and the one thing that keeps me going when things get tough. I'd love to say I couldnt be happier, but I'd be full of crap.|
I thought I'd finally gotten past all my body issues.I thought I was comfortable enough with myself, but I guess I was wrong. I finally decided to have a baby because I finally felt good enough about myself to where I didnt think getting bigger would bother me but man oh man, I didnt figure in all the weight you put on while pregnant. I just ate and ate and ate for nine months... I was 125 lbs the day I found out I was pregnant and the day I had the baby I was like 192 ish... yeah.. huge.
I went to my 6 week appointment, and was pleased to know that I had gotten down to 158, but really I hate how my body looks right now. I keep telling myself that it's alright, that I just had a baby, that I'm allowed to look a little flumpy, but I really cant help but be disgusted by what I see in the mirror, and I'm starting to catch myself slipping back into my old ways of just not eating. I was always good at it, it seems like if I dont want to eat, I just dont get hungry- I'm really good at not eating, but honestly I feel guilty about it. I dont know.. I just had to vent. I feel pretty lost at the moment.